grasp.

hands down, i’m too proud for love. but with eyes shut, it’s you i’m thinking of.

letting me in at eight in the morning and giving me somewhere to stay. tying friendship bracelets in bed. sitting under covers watching episode after episode eating biscuits and drinking tea. cuddles from behind whilst doing the washing up. breakfasts in town and lunch off laps. nights out and days in. fantasy football and absolute zero.

come here, stay with me, stroke me by the hair. ’cause i would give anything, anything, to have you as my man.

I don’t want to have another. I want everything to be like today. it’s been so long and I haven’t changed my mind. that isn’t like me, this is different. and I’m on tenterhooks to make this last.

I’ve never watched a football match for someone before.

hanger.

recall the time we straddled your window pane, and smoked the last of the weed that sent you insane.

i’m so terribly lonely.

you’ve made things worse. made me think. made me hurt.

stay away, keep it that way. i’m not in the mood for feeling shit. i’d love to say how much how i hate you, but i’m not in the mood for saying it.

i want to be wrapped up. softly to sleep. warmth and leg wraps.

sit down, take off your shoes, not if you don’t want to. can i get you anything? that’s cool, i can’t be fucked anyway. can i get you anything? yeah a drink, but i think you know what i mean.

so i’m laying on the sofa. blanket and socks. watching card tricks and envelopes.

why do you do this to me?

i’m pathetic.

now i’ve been walking down the shortcuts, and the alleys in the dark, because i’m not scared of the shadows. they’re no blacker than my heart.

these things rattle round my head. if he hasn’t blown the whistle, then it isn’t quite the end.

drawn.

there are no wounds left. she’s all scar tissue.

mojito.

it was your birthday. it was your birthday and I should have done something more than send a text. but I don’t know what to say. if I even want to say anything. you have your new life and your new friends. and I’m bitter. bitter that you’ll do something with your life and I’m going to drop out and do nothing for the rest of mine. know the same people and places for the rest of time. and in the end, die bitter, wishing I did something more. but that’s not the point. you were my best friend. and now you’re not. that’s the point.

and now I know that I can be this way. and now I know that I can walk away.

sever.

there is a sorrow to be desired.

I’m so close to dropping out. two days. should I? I don’t fucking know.

I just wish I knew the truth, as to why, I wait for you, longer than the average person would. and why, I think about you, more than I think one should.

I feel guilt and I probably shouldn’t have done that. I know I shouldn’t. but it had been so long. and I needed it. needed to feel something.

you have scars on your face from where he left you, your blue eyes still aren’t dry.

I don’t know what to do anymore.