mint.

you’re asleep next to me and it’s ten to nine in the morning. the light’s coming through the little gap in the window. white sheets. green menus.

girl, he’s making you grow leaves.

cream teas and hot chocolate.

chocolate.

so i’m sitting in costa, is that weird? that i want to write when i’m here? there’s a little girl with flashing bunny ears drinking hot chocolate and eating the cream with a spoon (i’ve just done the exact same thing with mine and every so often i lick the froth off the spoon) and another little girl playing while her mum is on the phone. my receipt has a cup ring on it. i’ve just remembered how you don’t use coasters either.
you didn’t text today. i guess you’re busy.
my toes hurt from these shoes.
i’ve decided what i’m doing for art. ink and nib. draw it out. five hours.
i’m waiting for someone different to text back now. see if they’re free. not replacement just free
my bags are at my brothers. i’ll make a trip there soon. lunchtime.
he’s had a haircut and i keep poking myself in the eye.

oh, and i’m wearing the third dress.

suitcase.

the best things come in threes he says. i have two dresses and four shoes.

and we’re going away honey, we’re going away. i have my bag packed. it’s by the door. zipped up. ironed.

there are flowers too. he’ll give me a lift in the morning.

my throats slightly sore but i’ll numb that.

i’m not letting anything bring me down.

contacts.

five-hundred and fifty-five. see that? that, is what’s making me happy right now.

 

and it’s twelve minutes past one and i can’t sleep because my mind is racing and my heart pumping.

 

for the first time in months you put an ‘i love you’ at the end of your text again, no, not the end, just ‘i love you’ no faces, no kisses, just love and that’s all i wanted. all i have ever wanted, was to feel love. and right now, i am.

 

my hot water bottles cooled. the red rubber no longer hot.

 

“Fuck it, lets hibernate
It’s cold and it is late”

 

my right eye is stinging. the dog keeps moving on the sofa and i know i should sleep. i have to get up early tomorrow, i just have to. i might not sleep, i wouldn’t if i could find the tablets. but i can’t so i shall have to. get up early? go for a run? boil the water from the kettle, use.

 

i wish you’d of texted back, i’ll speak to you soon, i know, just, just.

 

“you took me to the darkest place you knew, and set fire to my heart”

 

the clock’s ticking. i can hear him coughing from up above. my nose is itching. i can’t sleep as i slept all day but i’m happy.

 

i’m happy. for a long time i haven’t been able to make up my mind. i’m certain now.

 

all i need is an opportunity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

five.

five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five.five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five.five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five.five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five. five.